Such a great read! I can finally see articulated my thoughts around beauty. As a woman that chooses not to shave I could never explain fully my decision and it lays beautifully on your words. The last question really encapsulates the recommendation I frequently get from other women, like "if people treat you better, and it's so simple, why wouldn't you do it?" As if choosing something different was like going against common sense. You've given me lots to think about, thank you for your writing.
i think a big problem is that we are still transfixed on women being beautiful/desirable, particularly to men, despite being supposedly ‘liberated’. we had the pre-sexual revolution where women had to simultaneously be chaste and conform to their husband’s sexual needs 24/7, post-sexual revolution where we were extremely sexualised and put through narrow ideals to appeal to men, and now this confusing era, where, whether you’re pushing toxic body positivity and spouting that all women are always beautiful always! or still perpetuating those narrow ideals now framed through ‘wellness’…you’re still obsessed with women’s youth, beauty, and sex appeal. why was the response to ‘i dont feel beautiful because i’m old/hairy/not skinny as hell’ ‘oh no you are beautiful i promise!’ and not ‘you don’t have to be beautiful’? is the idea of an ugly woman so terrifying? bodies are inherently gross sometimes. men joke about belching and burping, are allowed to be seen as smart or funny or even attractive BEYOND their looks (the pete davidson discourse a few years ago for example), get to age, gain weight, with no comment. but women must be beautiful always - if they age/gain weight/change they are either critiqued or reassured they’re ’still beautiful!’ without any request for such reassurance. in more mature settings, women also must be sexy all the time, hence sex is everywhere and becomes meaningless. i think the only way out of this system is body neutralit. seeing our bodies as multifaceted vessels that can be sexy and have sex as well as being kind of gross to fulfill other functions. then sex isn’t everywhere always, beauty isn’t forced, and women are (shocker) more than skin deep. but the shallow idea that we are liberated after one liberation movement as you highlighted prevents this.
this essay blew my mind. I am amazed you could contrive such truths from everyday life and shows. I would make all my friends read this if i could. Thanks for writing!
Yes—this hits hard. Liberation promised freedom, but what we got is a loop: desire everywhere, satisfaction nowhere, and the pressure to perform pleasure as if it’s duty. It’s exhausting, alienating, and so real.
wonderful writing!
Such a great read! I can finally see articulated my thoughts around beauty. As a woman that chooses not to shave I could never explain fully my decision and it lays beautifully on your words. The last question really encapsulates the recommendation I frequently get from other women, like "if people treat you better, and it's so simple, why wouldn't you do it?" As if choosing something different was like going against common sense. You've given me lots to think about, thank you for your writing.
i think a big problem is that we are still transfixed on women being beautiful/desirable, particularly to men, despite being supposedly ‘liberated’. we had the pre-sexual revolution where women had to simultaneously be chaste and conform to their husband’s sexual needs 24/7, post-sexual revolution where we were extremely sexualised and put through narrow ideals to appeal to men, and now this confusing era, where, whether you’re pushing toxic body positivity and spouting that all women are always beautiful always! or still perpetuating those narrow ideals now framed through ‘wellness’…you’re still obsessed with women’s youth, beauty, and sex appeal. why was the response to ‘i dont feel beautiful because i’m old/hairy/not skinny as hell’ ‘oh no you are beautiful i promise!’ and not ‘you don’t have to be beautiful’? is the idea of an ugly woman so terrifying? bodies are inherently gross sometimes. men joke about belching and burping, are allowed to be seen as smart or funny or even attractive BEYOND their looks (the pete davidson discourse a few years ago for example), get to age, gain weight, with no comment. but women must be beautiful always - if they age/gain weight/change they are either critiqued or reassured they’re ’still beautiful!’ without any request for such reassurance. in more mature settings, women also must be sexy all the time, hence sex is everywhere and becomes meaningless. i think the only way out of this system is body neutralit. seeing our bodies as multifaceted vessels that can be sexy and have sex as well as being kind of gross to fulfill other functions. then sex isn’t everywhere always, beauty isn’t forced, and women are (shocker) more than skin deep. but the shallow idea that we are liberated after one liberation movement as you highlighted prevents this.
a great read by the way!
this essay blew my mind. I am amazed you could contrive such truths from everyday life and shows. I would make all my friends read this if i could. Thanks for writing!
Great essay. Hugely rec Sheila Jeffreys' 2005 book Beauty and Misogyny to those interested in diving even deeper!
truly aptly expresses my feelings and undoubtedly many women's!!! very enjoyable read, (if not frustrating from the accuracy)
Great read!
Yes—this hits hard. Liberation promised freedom, but what we got is a loop: desire everywhere, satisfaction nowhere, and the pressure to perform pleasure as if it’s duty. It’s exhausting, alienating, and so real.